Taking Care of Yourself After a Divorce

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash

In the US, divorce has been a common practice between spouses. According to American Psychological Association, 40-50% of married couples get divorced in the Unites States. In Tampa alone, according to 2013-2017 Community Survey which found that the overall divorce rate in Florida is 12.9% which keeps a Tampa divorce lawyer very busy.

On the other hand, divorce is a very delicate and controversial topic here in the Philippines. Divorce is not yet legalized here. It is being debated by almost everyone. Being a Catholic-centered country, the people’s opinions are divided. Many people want to legalize divorce yet there are also others who are against it. I personally understand both sides. Being a Catholic myself, as much as possible I don’t want Filipinos to take advantage of divorce once it has been legalized, but at the same time, I feel bad for those the battered wives (and husbands) who continue to experience torture or abuse from their spouses because they strictly believe that they should be together “for better or worse.”

But even if divorce hasn’t been legalized, we have what we call an “Annulment”. According to Wikipedia, annulment is a legal procedure within secular and religious legal systems for declaring a marriage null and void. Unlike divorce, it is usually retroactive, meaning that an annulled marriage is considered to be invalid from the beginning almost as if it had never taken place (though some jurisdictions provide that the marriage is only void from the date of the annulment.

This is the case that happened with my mom. It was a mess after the break up, but she eventually learned to stand up on her own. Here are the steps I learned from mom on how you take care of yourself after a divorce or an annulment.:

1. You have to stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault that your marriage failed. It’s normal to give your past a cry, but a month of crying is just enough. It’s no longer healthy for you. So it has to start from your mindset that it’s not your fault and instead of thinking that your life has ended and your younger years have been put to waste, think of it as a fresh start. What you wanted to do before your marriage or the things that your husband did not allow you to do, you now have the freedom to do so like starting your own business, enrolling yourself in a baking class, art school, music school, etc.
2.  Talk to your friends or your relatives. It’s okay to talk about your problems. Most of the time, it helps you heal because you have a support system. When you know that you’re not alone, it’s easier to start fresh and start anew. Sometimes, friends can give you suggestions on what to do next.
3.  Start to eat healthy. Even if you’re sad or feeling depressed, you can simply start eating healthy by eating fruits. You can eat apple slices for starters to replace unhealthy snacks. You can also eat high wheat cereals for breakfast. Fiber is the key. If you eat healthy then your mind will start to think healthy, too, and your body will follow allowing you feel happier and make better decisions in life.
4. Move. When I say move, it can be going to the gym or simply have a walk in the park, go out and breathe the fresh air and notice the people around you. Exercise is most definitely good for the heart and good for your body, and helps you have a healthy lifestyle.

That's all for now. If you have more suggestions to add to the list, let me know by writing them in the comments below.